हवाई जहाज में शराब के चार-पांच पैग पीने के बाद;
ब्रिटिश: अब मैं सोने जा रहा हूँ।
अमेरिकन: मैं अपना ऑफिस का काम निपटाने जा रहा हूँ।
जर्मन: मैं अभी फिल्म देखूंगा।
चीनी: मैं तो अब संगीत सुनना चाहता हूँ।
संता: भाई तो आज प्लेन उडाएगा।
Saturday, June 22, 2013
पति या...
जीतो: मैं किसी ऐसे खुशमिजाज व्यक्ति से शादी करना चाहती हूं जो अच्छा गाता
हो, बढि़या डांसर हो, मुझे रोज नई-नई जगह दिखाए हर हफ्ते पिक्चर दिखाये,
दुनिया भर की बातें करे।
मैं जब बोलने को कहूं तो बोले और चुप रहने को कहूं तो चुप हो जाये।
प्रीतो: मेरे खयाल से तुम्हें पति की नहीं, टेलीविजन सेट की आवश्यकता है।
मैं जब बोलने को कहूं तो बोले और चुप रहने को कहूं तो चुप हो जाये।
प्रीतो: मेरे खयाल से तुम्हें पति की नहीं, टेलीविजन सेट की आवश्यकता है।
सबसे मुश्किल काम!
एक बार संता और बंता होटल में चाय पी रहे होते हैं।
चाय पीते-पीते बंता के दिमाग में एक सवाल आता है तो वह संता से पूछता है, "यार संता एक बात बता की सरकार ने वोटिंग करने के लिए 18 साल के होने का कानून बनाया है तो फिर शादी करने की उम्र 21 साल क्यों?
संता: यार दरअसल बात यह है कि सरकार को भी पता है कि देश संभालना आसान है लेकिन बीवी संभालना नहीं।
चाय पीते-पीते बंता के दिमाग में एक सवाल आता है तो वह संता से पूछता है, "यार संता एक बात बता की सरकार ने वोटिंग करने के लिए 18 साल के होने का कानून बनाया है तो फिर शादी करने की उम्र 21 साल क्यों?
संता: यार दरअसल बात यह है कि सरकार को भी पता है कि देश संभालना आसान है लेकिन बीवी संभालना नहीं।
The Last Hope!
Santa had just finished collecting the rents from the tenants in his
apartment block. But when he got home he realized that his wallet was
missing and burst into tears.
"What's the matter?" asked his wife.
"I've lost my wallet containing 25 thousand rupees," he wailed. "I think I put it in my inside coat pocket, but it's not there now."
"Did you look in the pockets of your pants?"
"Yes, but the money isn't there either."
"What about the side pocket of your jacket? Did you look there?"
"Of course not!" he snapped. "Do you want me to lose the last bit of hope I have left?"
"What's the matter?" asked his wife.
"I've lost my wallet containing 25 thousand rupees," he wailed. "I think I put it in my inside coat pocket, but it's not there now."
"Did you look in the pockets of your pants?"
"Yes, but the money isn't there either."
"What about the side pocket of your jacket? Did you look there?"
"Of course not!" he snapped. "Do you want me to lose the last bit of hope I have left?"
My Son-in-Law is an Angel
One mother in law to another, "I heard that both your son and daughter have been married off - how are they?"
"Oh, my daughter in law is really not that good. She sleeps late and expects my son to make the morning coffee. She does not cook, wants my son to take her out to eat more."
"But my son in law is an angel. He allows my daughter to stay late in bed, even makes bed coffee for her. Insists on taking my daughter out to eat so often. I tell you, I don't know what to do with my daughter in law.
"Oh, my daughter in law is really not that good. She sleeps late and expects my son to make the morning coffee. She does not cook, wants my son to take her out to eat more."
"But my son in law is an angel. He allows my daughter to stay late in bed, even makes bed coffee for her. Insists on taking my daughter out to eat so often. I tell you, I don't know what to do with my daughter in law.
Who's Problem is it Really?
Banta feared his wife Preeto wasn't hearing as well as she used to and
he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test he could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, Preeto is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and Banta was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let"s see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
No response.
Banta moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from Preeto and repeats, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from Preeto and asks, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away, and asks, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
For God's sake, Banta ji, for the FIFTH time, "BIRYANI!"
The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test he could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."
That evening, Preeto is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and Banta was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let"s see what happens."
Then in a normal tone he asks, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
No response.
Banta moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from Preeto and repeats, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.
Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from Preeto and asks, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
Again he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away, and asks, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
Again there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"
For God's sake, Banta ji, for the FIFTH time, "BIRYANI!"
Innocence is Bliss!
A little four year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks
he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a comic book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says, "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."
Billy says, "I'm fine, mummy... I just haven't done it yet."
Mother says, "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
Billy says, "It works on the ketchup bottle!"
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a comic book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.
His mother says, "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."
Billy says, "I'm fine, mummy... I just haven't done it yet."
Mother says, "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"
Billy says, "It works on the ketchup bottle!"
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
THE DONKEY AND THE CUNNING FOX Panchtantra Story
Sometimes a cunning argument outwits normal intelligence
Once there lived a foolish donkey in a town. The town was situated near a forest. There, in the forest lived king lion and his minister, a cunning fox. Once, king lion was badly wounded in a fierce fighting with an elephant. He became unable to hunt for his prey. So he asked his minister, the cunning fox to bring some good meal for him. As the fox used to share the prey, which king lion hunted for his meals, he at once, set out to search for food.
While wandering here and there, the fox met a donkey. The donkey looked foolish, nervous and hungry. The fox asked him, "Hello! you seem to be new to this forest. Where do you actually come from?"
"I come from the nearby town", said the donkey. "My master, the dhobi makes me work all day, but doesn't feed me properly. So I've left my home to find a better place to live in and eat properly."
"I see", said the fox. "Don't worry. I'm a senior minister in this forest kingdom. Come with me to the king's palace. Our king needs a bodyguard, who has the experience of town life. You will live in the palace and eat a lot of green grass growing around it ' "
The donkey was very happy to listen to all this from the minister fox of the forest kingdom. He proceeded with him to the royal palace.
Seeing a,donkey before him the king lion became highly impatient and pounced upon him immediately. But on account of constant hunger, the king lion had gone weak. He couldn't overpower the donkey. The donkey freed himself and ran for his life.
"Your Majesty," said the fox to king lion, "you shouldn't have acted in such a haste. You have scared your prey."
"I'm sorry," said king lion. "Try to bring him here once again."
The hungry fox went again to the donkey and said to him, "What a funny fellow you are. Why did you run away like that?"
"Why shouldn't IT' asked the donkey.
"My dear," said the fox, "you were being tested for your alertness as a royal bodyguard of the king. Thank god, you showed a quick reflex, otherwise, you would have been rejected for the job."
The donkey believed what the fox said and accompanied him once again to the palace. There at the palace the king lion was hiding behind the thick bushes. As soon as the donkey passed by the bushes, the lion pounced upon him and killed him instantly.
Just when the lion was about to begin eating the donkey, the fox said, "Your Majesty, you're going to have your meals after quite a few days. It's better you first take a bath and offer prayers."
"Hmm!" the king lion roared and said to the fox, "Stay here. I'll be back right now."
The lion went to take bath and offer his prayers. In the meantime, the fox ate the donkey's brain. When the king lion came back to eat his prey, he was surprised to see that the donkey's brain was missing.
"Where is this donkey's brain?" The king lion roared in great anger.
"The donkey's brain!" the fox expressed his surprise. "Your Majesty, you're fully aware that donkeys don't have a brain. Had that donkey ever had a brain, he would never have come with me to this palace for the second time."
"Yes," agreed king lion, "that's the point."
And he started eating happily the rest of the flesh of the dead donkey.
panchatantrastories.tripod.com
| businessfairytales.wordpress.com |
Once there lived a foolish donkey in a town. The town was situated near a forest. There, in the forest lived king lion and his minister, a cunning fox. Once, king lion was badly wounded in a fierce fighting with an elephant. He became unable to hunt for his prey. So he asked his minister, the cunning fox to bring some good meal for him. As the fox used to share the prey, which king lion hunted for his meals, he at once, set out to search for food.
While wandering here and there, the fox met a donkey. The donkey looked foolish, nervous and hungry. The fox asked him, "Hello! you seem to be new to this forest. Where do you actually come from?"
"I come from the nearby town", said the donkey. "My master, the dhobi makes me work all day, but doesn't feed me properly. So I've left my home to find a better place to live in and eat properly."
"I see", said the fox. "Don't worry. I'm a senior minister in this forest kingdom. Come with me to the king's palace. Our king needs a bodyguard, who has the experience of town life. You will live in the palace and eat a lot of green grass growing around it ' "
The donkey was very happy to listen to all this from the minister fox of the forest kingdom. He proceeded with him to the royal palace.
Seeing a,donkey before him the king lion became highly impatient and pounced upon him immediately. But on account of constant hunger, the king lion had gone weak. He couldn't overpower the donkey. The donkey freed himself and ran for his life.
"Your Majesty," said the fox to king lion, "you shouldn't have acted in such a haste. You have scared your prey."
"I'm sorry," said king lion. "Try to bring him here once again."
The hungry fox went again to the donkey and said to him, "What a funny fellow you are. Why did you run away like that?"
"Why shouldn't IT' asked the donkey.
"My dear," said the fox, "you were being tested for your alertness as a royal bodyguard of the king. Thank god, you showed a quick reflex, otherwise, you would have been rejected for the job."
The donkey believed what the fox said and accompanied him once again to the palace. There at the palace the king lion was hiding behind the thick bushes. As soon as the donkey passed by the bushes, the lion pounced upon him and killed him instantly.
Just when the lion was about to begin eating the donkey, the fox said, "Your Majesty, you're going to have your meals after quite a few days. It's better you first take a bath and offer prayers."
"Hmm!" the king lion roared and said to the fox, "Stay here. I'll be back right now."
The lion went to take bath and offer his prayers. In the meantime, the fox ate the donkey's brain. When the king lion came back to eat his prey, he was surprised to see that the donkey's brain was missing.
"Where is this donkey's brain?" The king lion roared in great anger.
"The donkey's brain!" the fox expressed his surprise. "Your Majesty, you're fully aware that donkeys don't have a brain. Had that donkey ever had a brain, he would never have come with me to this palace for the second time."
"Yes," agreed king lion, "that's the point."
And he started eating happily the rest of the flesh of the dead donkey.
panchatantrastories.tripod.com
Monday, June 17, 2013
How To Increase Memory With Help Of Food
 |
| www.yumyumcha.com |
Always fighting with your memory? Or trying hard to keep your brain
hard disk form leaking? Now you can keep your brain tuned up by eating certain
food items. Here is a brief list of such
food items and practices collected from www.today.com
and www.bbcgoodfood.com that will help you increase memory
Opt for wholegrains Like everything else in your body, the brain cannot work without energy. The ability to concentrate and focus comes from the adequate, steady supply of energy - in the form of glucose in our blood to the brain. Achieve this by choosing wholegrain with a low-GI, which release glucose slowly into the bloodstream, keeping you mentally alert throughout the day. Opt for 'brown' cereals, wheat bran, granary bread and brown pasta. Many people have found this very helpful to increase the memory.
THE LAPWINGS AND THE SEA Panchtantra Story
One should always fight against injustice
Once upon a time, there lived a lapwing and his wife on a sea-shore. When it was time for the lapwing's wife to lay eggs, she said to her husband. "I don't want to lay eggs here on the sea shore. The sea might eat up my eggs. Let us go to some pond or lake."
"Don't be foolish", said the lapwing. "Even our ancestors laid eggs here. Let the sea eat our eggs. I'll teach him a lesson, if he tries to do so .
The lapwing's wife laid eggs on the sea-shore and flew in the sky in search of food. But when she came back to the sea-shore, she was shocked to see all her eggs missing. She began to weep. When the lapwing came to know about it, he became red with rage. He called a meeting of all the birds and narrated to them the unjust and cruel exercise of power by the sea. Addressing all the other birds around him, he said, "Today the sea has swept away our eggs. Tomorrow it might be your turn."
The birds understood the logic and became highly upset over this incidence. They decided to meet their king, the eagle. The king eagle was infuriated to hear the story of the lapwing. He said to the birds, "Don't worry. I'll punish the sea for his misdeeds right now. I'll suck all its water and make it dry."
Lord Vishnu who was holding a conference in the heaven heard the outcry of the birds. He despatched his messenger to king eagle and told him to wait.
Then Lord Vishnu himself addressed the sea and put a condition before him that either he should return the lapwing's eggs or else he should be prepared to lose existence.
The sea god was frightened to hear Lord Vishnu's commands. He returned the eggs to the lapwing. He also promised that he will never wash away the birds'eggs lying on the sea-shore, in future.
panchatantrastories.tripod.com
 |
| ibnlive.in.com |
Once upon a time, there lived a lapwing and his wife on a sea-shore. When it was time for the lapwing's wife to lay eggs, she said to her husband. "I don't want to lay eggs here on the sea shore. The sea might eat up my eggs. Let us go to some pond or lake."
"Don't be foolish", said the lapwing. "Even our ancestors laid eggs here. Let the sea eat our eggs. I'll teach him a lesson, if he tries to do so .
The lapwing's wife laid eggs on the sea-shore and flew in the sky in search of food. But when she came back to the sea-shore, she was shocked to see all her eggs missing. She began to weep. When the lapwing came to know about it, he became red with rage. He called a meeting of all the birds and narrated to them the unjust and cruel exercise of power by the sea. Addressing all the other birds around him, he said, "Today the sea has swept away our eggs. Tomorrow it might be your turn."
The birds understood the logic and became highly upset over this incidence. They decided to meet their king, the eagle. The king eagle was infuriated to hear the story of the lapwing. He said to the birds, "Don't worry. I'll punish the sea for his misdeeds right now. I'll suck all its water and make it dry."
Lord Vishnu who was holding a conference in the heaven heard the outcry of the birds. He despatched his messenger to king eagle and told him to wait.
Then Lord Vishnu himself addressed the sea and put a condition before him that either he should return the lapwing's eggs or else he should be prepared to lose existence.
The sea god was frightened to hear Lord Vishnu's commands. He returned the eggs to the lapwing. He also promised that he will never wash away the birds'eggs lying on the sea-shore, in future.
panchatantrastories.tripod.com
Sunday, June 16, 2013
THE JACKAL AND THE DRUM Panchtantra Story
Greed Is Very Harmful
Once upon a time, in a jungle there lived a jackal by the name of Gomaya. One day, he was very hungry and was wandering in search of food. While wandering, he came across a battle field. There he saw a big drum lying under a tree. When the wind blew, a tender branch grown at the root of the tree struck the drum producing sound of a drum beat. The jackal examined the drum from all sides and then beat the drum with his front paws. The drum made a sound. Now the jackal thought that there might be some other small animal inside the drum and that would make a very tasty meal for him. But he found the top of the drum too tough to tear off.
The jackal thought of a plan and began to beat the drum with both his front paws.The sound of drumbeat filled the whole jungle. A leopard who was attracted towards the sound of the drum, came near it. The jackal said to the leopard, "Your Majesty, there is some animal hiding inside the drum. Since you have sharp claws and strong teeth, you can tear off the top of the drum and catch your prey inside the drum.
The leopard was himself hungry So he hit the top of the drum with his heavy paws. The drum burst with a sound, but there was no animal inside. The drum was empty.
Seeing the empty drum, the leopard became very angry and said to the jackal, "You have wasted my time. There is no food inside the drum. So I will kill and eat you."
The leopard pounced upon the jackal and killed and ate him.
panchatantrastories.tripod.com
 |
| flickr.com |
Once upon a time, in a jungle there lived a jackal by the name of Gomaya. One day, he was very hungry and was wandering in search of food. While wandering, he came across a battle field. There he saw a big drum lying under a tree. When the wind blew, a tender branch grown at the root of the tree struck the drum producing sound of a drum beat. The jackal examined the drum from all sides and then beat the drum with his front paws. The drum made a sound. Now the jackal thought that there might be some other small animal inside the drum and that would make a very tasty meal for him. But he found the top of the drum too tough to tear off.
The jackal thought of a plan and began to beat the drum with both his front paws.The sound of drumbeat filled the whole jungle. A leopard who was attracted towards the sound of the drum, came near it. The jackal said to the leopard, "Your Majesty, there is some animal hiding inside the drum. Since you have sharp claws and strong teeth, you can tear off the top of the drum and catch your prey inside the drum.
The leopard was himself hungry So he hit the top of the drum with his heavy paws. The drum burst with a sound, but there was no animal inside. The drum was empty.
Seeing the empty drum, the leopard became very angry and said to the jackal, "You have wasted my time. There is no food inside the drum. So I will kill and eat you."
The leopard pounced upon the jackal and killed and ate him.
panchatantrastories.tripod.com
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Three Engineers
There are three engineers in a car:
an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a
Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car engine shuts
off, leaving the three engineers stranded by the
side of the road. All three engineers look at each
other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical
engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of
the car and trying to trace where a fault might have
occurred.
The chemical engineer, not knowing
much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is
becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not
knowing much about anything, comes up with a
suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get
out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe
it`ll work!?"
Courtesy www.avko.org
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Today's Fun from Santabanta.com
I got my girlfriend to come the other day. I can also get her to fetch, sit and play dead!
Jesus saves! But wouldn't it have been better if he would have invested!
The doctor said to patient, "I want you take your clothes off and stick your tongue out of the window."
"What will that do?"
"Not much. But I hate my neighbour!"
"What will that do?"
"Not much. But I hate my neighbour!"
Santa decided to study for the MBA exam. He could understand every thing
except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, one of his
friends came home.
Friend: Santa, how is your MBA preparation?
Santa: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Friend: Logic is very easy.
Santa: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand?
Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: so, logically, your are married.
Santa: YES.
Friend: So, that means you are a heterosexual.
Santa was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Banta who was also preparing for MBA.
Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Banta: Please, give me an example.
Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Banta: NO, I don't.
Santa: Oh my God! That means you're gay!
Friend: Santa, how is your MBA preparation?
Santa: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Friend: Logic is very easy.
Santa: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand?
Friend: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be water in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Santa: YES.
Friend: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Santa: YES.
Friend: so, logically, your are married.
Santa: YES.
Friend: So, that means you are a heterosexual.
Santa was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees Banta who was also preparing for MBA.
Santa: How is your MBA preparation?
Banta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Santa: Oh, logic is easy.
Banta: Please, give me an example.
Santa: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Banta: NO, I don't.
Santa: Oh my God! That means you're gay!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Best Food For Joints
 |
| Image from telegraph.co.uk |
Here is a list of food items that can help you build healthy joints.
Salmon
As it conatins Omega-3s decrease the production of chemicals that spread inflammation, plus they inhibit enzymes that trigger it
Almonds
Almonds are one of the best vitamin E sources, which protects the outer membrane of joint cells. This makes it a first-line defender against free radicals.
Papaya
People who consumed the lowest amounts of vitamin C were three times more likely to develop rheumatoid arthritis than those who consumed more, according to a 2004 study
Monday, June 10, 2013
Superhero Jokes
| www.terryshoemaker.com |
Why is Superman stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants.
Why is Batman more stupid?
Because he wears his underwear over his pants and puts on a belt over his underwear.
Why is Robin even more stupid?
Because he followed what batman did.
Why is Wonder Woman stupid?
Because she wears a belt on her head.
Why is Spiderman the most stupid superhero of them all?
Because he wears his underwear over his head.
There is a big room with four corners. In the first corner, you find Superman. In the second corner you find Batman. In the third corner you find Spiderman. And in the fourth corner you find a gorgeous, extremely intelligent, 100% natural blonde woman with a ultra-thin magazine-model figure. In the center of the room there is a pot of gold. Who gets to the pot of gold first?
A: None, because none of these characters exist.
Q: Where's Spiderman's home page?
A: On the world wide web.
Q: What does Batgirl wear to bed?
A: Her Dark Knight gown!
Batman and Robin are camping in the desert, set up their tent and are asleep. Some hours later, Batman wakes his faithful friend. "Robin, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Robin replies, " I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" asks Batman.
Robin ponders for a minute.
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo.
Chronologically, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.
Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What does it tell you, Batman?"
Batman is silent for a moment, then speaks:
" Robin, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."
Q: What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the Batmobile?
A: Get in the Batmobile Robin!
Three drunks are standing on top of the Empire State Building.
The first one says to the other two, "You know, it's a funny thing about these wind currents. A person could jump off of this building right now and not even hit the ground; the wind would carry him right back up to the top of the building!"
The second drunk says, "You're crazy!"
The first drunk says, "I'm serious! Watch!" The first drunk jumps off of the building, and the wind carries him right back up to the top!
The second drunk says, "Let me try!"
So the second drunk leaps off of the building and promptly falls to the street below, landing with a hideous SPLAT!
The first drunk smiles, clearly amused. The third drunk looks at him and says, "You know, Superman, you can be a real Jerk When you're drunk!"
Tips for Summer Food
 |
| idiva.com |
Here are a few tips for the best summer food published in rediff.com and TOI
1. Water is the best option
It is a key ingredient in keeping the body cool. With high humidity levels, sweat will not evaporate quickly. This prevents the body from releasing heat in an efficient manner. This is why it is necessary to hydrate and drink water, even when you are not thirsty. Increase water intake regardless of your activity levels.
2. Avoid caffeinated or carbonated beverages, alcoholic beverages, and those high in sugar.
All these drinks contain preservatives, colours and sugars. They are acidic in nature and act as diuretics. They cause loss of fluids through urine.
Many soft drinks contain diluted phosphoric acid, which damages the inner linning of the digestive tract and, therefore, affects its functions.
The Travelers and The Plane Tree
 |
| www.colourbox.com |
Two men were walking along one summer day. Soon it became too hot to go any further and, seeing a large plane tree nearby, they threw themselves on the ground to rest in its shade. Gazing up into the branches one man said to the other,
“What a useless tree this is. It does not have fruit or nuts that we can eat and we cannot even use its wood for anything.”
“Don’t be so ungrateful,” rustled the tree in reply. “I am being extremely useful to you at this very moment, shielding you from the hot sun. And you call me a good-for-nothing!”
Original story @ moralstories.org
Manna Dey Hospitalised For Chest Infection Now Stable
| www.nowpublic.com |
The great singing legend of India Maana Dey popular for number of tracks including 'Poocho Na Kaise Maine' (Meri Surat Teri Aankhen), 'Ae Meri Zohra Jabeen' (Waqt), 'Zindagi Kaisi Hai Paheli' (Anand), 'Yeh Dosti' (Sholay) and 'Ek Chatur Naar' (Padosan) was admitted to Narayana Hrudayalaya in Hosuru Road, Bangalor as he was suffering from respiratory problems and chest infection.The doctors has reported him to have the stable condition by now.
Having recorded more than 3,500 songs in a number of languages including Hindi and Bengali, he regaled generations of listeners with his romantic ballads, intricate raga-based songs, Qawwalis and fast-paced modern numbers, lending his voice to a number of Hindi and Bengali film stars.
The 94-year-old singer was being treated at his home for the past couple of weeks.
Source:- hindustantimes
Sunday, June 9, 2013
Work the Arthritic Pain Out
 |
| http://www.fitnessrxwomen.com/ |
Good news for all the people suffering from the problem of joint pain. Now you can get rid of it by the help of regular exercise.
Millions of people suffering from arthritis can improve their health by committing themselves to do regular work-outs, according to doctors. Earlier, patients were asked to rest their joints if they became too painful or swollen but now doctors say that the simplest way to beat the painful problem is to do regular and gentle exercise, the Daily Express reported.
Jokes from santabanta.com
Santa couldn't believe it - he'd made it to the last round of his favourite game show.
"Congratulations, Santa ji," said Big B. "Answer correctly and you go home with five crores!
"This is a two-part question on Punjab history," he continued. "The second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?"
Santa figured he'd play it safe, "I think I'll try the second part of the question first."
Big B nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with anticipation.
"Okay, Santa ji, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"
"Congratulations, Santa ji," said Big B. "Answer correctly and you go home with five crores!
"This is a two-part question on Punjab history," he continued. "The second half of the question is always easier. Which part would you like first?"
Santa figured he'd play it safe, "I think I'll try the second part of the question first."
Big B nodded approvingly, while the audience was silent with anticipation.
"Okay, Santa ji, here is your question: And in what year did it happen?"
Phone rings...
Girl: Hello.
Guy: My love how are you doing?
Girl: Am fine.
Guy: Will you be free during the weekend, you come to my house?
Girl: Am sorry, I can't make it because I will be attending my aunt's wedding and the next day I'l be busy, I'm so occupied.
Guy: Oh! Ok, was just planning to take you out for shopping, surprise you with an iPhone5, then buy you a new dress and the brazzilian hair you've been asking for...
Girl: I will be coming and I may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my love.
Guy: What about the wedding?
Girl: Which wedding, I was joking...
Guy: Me too...
Girl: Hello.
Guy: My love how are you doing?
Girl: Am fine.
Guy: Will you be free during the weekend, you come to my house?
Girl: Am sorry, I can't make it because I will be attending my aunt's wedding and the next day I'l be busy, I'm so occupied.
Guy: Oh! Ok, was just planning to take you out for shopping, surprise you with an iPhone5, then buy you a new dress and the brazzilian hair you've been asking for...
Girl: I will be coming and I may even spend the whole weekend there if you want my love.
Guy: What about the wedding?
Girl: Which wedding, I was joking...
Guy: Me too...
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
An
Army Officer was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he
received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that
she wants to break up as she is in love with someone else and wanted
nothing further to do with him. To add injury to the insult, she said
she wanted pictures of herself back.
So the Officer does what any squared away Officer would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.
He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following note: 'I'm sorry I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back. Thank you.'
So the Officer does what any squared away Officer would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.
He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following note: 'I'm sorry I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back. Thank you.'
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Five Mocktails That Can Be Prepared At Home
| www.chicproductions.com |
Here are the recipes five mock-tails to chill out in this summer which can be easily prepared at home without any special effort or ingredient.
Black Widow
Cola
8 scoops vanilla ice cream
6 tablespoons lime juice
Lime slice for garnish
Blend ice creem and juice until smooth. Pour into glasses and top with cola. Serves 4
jokes
Q: What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a computer?
A: Hairy Reasoner.
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
Did you know their making a movie about the Grand Forks Flood?
It's called, 'A River Runs Over It.
Q: What is a blonde's favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Perplexed White House staffers see Bill Clinton walk into the Oval Office with a pair of woman's panties pinned to his sleeve.
As the day wears on, several VIPs go in and out of the Oval Office, each one leaving with a puzzled expression.
Finally, Betty Currie, Clinton's loyal secretary, walks into the office and gently closes the door behind her. "Mr. President," she says. "We're all quite concerned that you seem to be wearing a woman's pair of panties on your arm."
"Oh no," the President grins, "it's the patch. I'm trying to quit."
George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."
George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".
The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"
Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
A: Hairy Reasoner.
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
Did you know their making a movie about the Grand Forks Flood?
It's called, 'A River Runs Over It.
Q: What is a blonde's favorite rock group?
A: Air Supply.
Perplexed White House staffers see Bill Clinton walk into the Oval Office with a pair of woman's panties pinned to his sleeve.
As the day wears on, several VIPs go in and out of the Oval Office, each one leaving with a puzzled expression.
Finally, Betty Currie, Clinton's loyal secretary, walks into the office and gently closes the door behind her. "Mr. President," she says. "We're all quite concerned that you seem to be wearing a woman's pair of panties on your arm."
"Oh no," the President grins, "it's the patch. I'm trying to quit."
George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, "I want to go to Disneyland."
George said, "No problem. I'll take you there on Air Force One".
The second kid said, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's."
George said, "I'll get them for you and even have Michael sign them!"
The third kid said, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built-in TV and stereo headset!!"
Bush is a little perplexed by this and says, "But you don't look like you are handicapped."
The kid says, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning!"
jokes
Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
An
Army Officer was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he
received a letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that
she wants to break up as she is in love with someone else and wanted
nothing further to do with him. To add injury to the insult, she said
she wanted pictures of herself back.
So the Officer does what any squared away Officer would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.
He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following note: 'I'm sorry I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back. Thank you.'
So the Officer does what any squared away Officer would do. He went around to his buddies and collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find.
He then mailed about 25 pictures to his girlfriend with the following note: 'I'm sorry I can't remember which one you are, but please take the one that belongs to you and send the rest back. Thank you.'
Santa was in the hospital for a complete check-up. At 11:00AM, they brought him soup for lunch. He refused it.
At 2 PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused.
Again, at 5 PM and 7 PM, they tried, and both times Santa turned down the soup, so they gave up.
In preparation for the next day's test, they entered his room at 3 AM, 4 AM, and 6 AM and gave him an enema each time.
When Santa got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his wife, Jeeto, "Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it! If you refuse it, they sneak in while you're asleep and shove it up your @ss!
At 2 PM, they again tried to serve him some soup, which he refused.
Again, at 5 PM and 7 PM, they tried, and both times Santa turned down the soup, so they gave up.
In preparation for the next day's test, they entered his room at 3 AM, 4 AM, and 6 AM and gave him an enema each time.
When Santa got home from the hospital after the tests, he told his wife, Jeeto, "Whatever you do, if you go to that hospital and they try to serve you soup, take it! If you refuse it, they sneak in while you're asleep and shove it up your @ss!
Friday, June 7, 2013
Biscuits for Brains
There was a sweet older lady who would often do grocery shopping
for the infirm and elderly in her church. One hot, summer day a lady
asked her to pick up a few things and bring them by her house in a
dangerous part of Baltimore City. The sweet old lady was wary but felt
that she couldn't say no, even though she was terrified of driving in
the part of the city that often had shoot-outs and other drug violence.
Anyway, the woman went on her way, picked up the groceries and proceeded
to the lady's house.
As she entered the lady's neighborhood she noticed young hoodlums gathering on every street corner. Although she had no air conditioning in the car, she rolled the windows up tightly (as a safety precaution) and suffered in the 90+ degree heat.
She drove ahead until suddenly she heard a loud "POP!" and felt a jolt to the back of her head. She reached to feel the back of her head and came back with a wet oozing mess that she was sure was part of her brain! Knowing that she had been shot, the woman turned around and raced to a local hospital.
Somehow she made it to the emergency room and had the strength to walk right in. She told the attendant that she had been shot. Immediately she was rushed back to an exam room. Doctors whirled around and asked where she had been shot (since they saw no blood.) She said "my head," and the doctors found a mass of the oozing white substance the woman had first noticed.
Upon inspection the doctors realized that the white substance wasn't part of her brain but was instead a lump of biscuit dough (the kind in a can) that had exploded from the heat of her car!
source
As she entered the lady's neighborhood she noticed young hoodlums gathering on every street corner. Although she had no air conditioning in the car, she rolled the windows up tightly (as a safety precaution) and suffered in the 90+ degree heat.
She drove ahead until suddenly she heard a loud "POP!" and felt a jolt to the back of her head. She reached to feel the back of her head and came back with a wet oozing mess that she was sure was part of her brain! Knowing that she had been shot, the woman turned around and raced to a local hospital.
Somehow she made it to the emergency room and had the strength to walk right in. She told the attendant that she had been shot. Immediately she was rushed back to an exam room. Doctors whirled around and asked where she had been shot (since they saw no blood.) She said "my head," and the doctors found a mass of the oozing white substance the woman had first noticed.
Upon inspection the doctors realized that the white substance wasn't part of her brain but was instead a lump of biscuit dough (the kind in a can) that had exploded from the heat of her car!
source
Ancient Indian Yoga Supersedes Gym
·
Experts found a single session of
Hatha yoga improved cognitive skills
·
The ancient practice was compared to
running on a treadmill
·
It is thought that breathing and
meditative exercises help to calm the mind and body and keep unhelpful,
distracting thoughts at bay
| image from romanticholiday.com |
Lead author of the study, Neha
Gothe, professor of kinesiology (human movement), health and sport studies at
Wayne State University in Detroit, explained: 'Yoga is an ancient Indian
science and way of life that includes not only physical movements and postures
but also regulated breathing and meditation.
For Tooth Decay Prevention Cheese and Mouthwash Win over Gum
 |
| image from istockphoto.com |
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