लोग अलग, सुरूर अलग!

हवाई जहाज में शराब के चार-पांच पैग पीने के बाद;

ब्रिटिश: अब मैं सोने जा रहा हूँ।

अमेरिकन: मैं अपना ऑफिस का काम निपटाने जा रहा हूँ।

जर्मन: मैं अभी फिल्म देखूंगा।

चीनी: मैं तो अब संगीत सुनना चाहता हूँ।

संता: भाई तो आज प्लेन उडाएगा।

पति या...

जीतो: मैं किसी ऐसे खुशमिजाज व्यक्ति से शादी करना चाहती हूं जो अच्छा गाता हो, बढि़या डांसर हो, मुझे रोज नई-नई जगह दिखाए हर हफ्ते पिक्चर दिखाये, दुनिया भर की बातें करे।

मैं जब बोलने को कहूं तो बोले और चुप रहने को कहूं तो चुप हो जाये।

प्रीतो: मेरे खयाल से तुम्हें पति की नहीं, टेलीविजन सेट की आवश्यकता है।

सबसे मुश्किल काम!

एक बार संता और बंता होटल में चाय पी रहे होते हैं।

चाय पीते-पीते बंता के दिमाग में एक सवाल आता है तो वह संता से पूछता है, "यार संता एक बात बता की सरकार ने वोटिंग करने के लिए 18 साल के होने का कानून बनाया है तो फिर शादी करने की उम्र 21 साल क्यों?

संता: यार दरअसल बात यह है कि सरकार को भी पता है कि देश संभालना आसान है लेकिन बीवी संभालना नहीं।

The Last Hope!

Santa had just finished collecting the rents from the tenants in his apartment block. But when he got home he realized that his wallet was missing and burst into tears.

"What's the matter?" asked his wife.

"I've lost my wallet containing 25 thousand rupees," he wailed. "I think I put it in my inside coat pocket, but it's not there now."

"Did you look in the pockets of your pants?"

"Yes, but the money isn't there either."

"What about the side pocket of your jacket? Did you look there?"

"Of course not!" he snapped. "Do you want me to lose the last bit of hope I have left?"

My Son-in-Law is an Angel

One mother in law to another, "I heard that both your son and daughter have been married off - how are they?"

"Oh, my daughter in law is really not that good. She sleeps late and expects my son to make the morning coffee. She does not cook, wants my son to take her out to eat more."

"But my son in law is an angel. He allows my daughter to stay late in bed, even makes bed coffee for her. Insists on taking my daughter out to eat so often. I tell you, I don't know what to do with my daughter in law.

Who's Problem is it Really?

Banta feared his wife Preeto wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test he could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, Preeto is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and Banta was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let"s see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"

No response.

Banta moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from Preeto and repeats, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from Preeto and asks, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away, and asks, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her, "Preeto ji, what's for dinner?"

For God's sake, Banta ji, for the FIFTH time, "BIRYANI!"

Innocence is Bliss!

A little four year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up.

The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a comic book. But about every 10 seconds or so he puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.

His mother says, "Billy, are you all right? You've been in here for a while."

Billy says, "I'm fine, mummy... I just haven't done it yet."

Mother says, "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?"

Billy says, "It works on the ketchup bottle!"