The Big Cheif!

An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of the Vancouver Hilton, and as he paid his bill said to the manager, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."

"Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me Not'," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation, and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as 'Big Chief Forget-me Not' because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest

Microsoft Office Boy

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed." He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."

The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."

I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can survive by this Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his money doubled or tripled every day.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later , the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US .

He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.

M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

M3 - If you received this message, you are closer to being an office boy, than a millionaire. .........

Have a great day!!!

Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!

What is Audit?

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt.

The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, "Ok."

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables.

He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheeps."

The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep."

The young man takes one of the animals from the flock and puts it in the back of his Porsche. The shepherd looks at him and asks, "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?"

The young man answers, "Yes, why not?"

The shepherd says, "You are an auditor." "How did you know?" asks the young man.

"Very simple," answers the shepherd. "Firstly, you came here without being wanted. Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew. Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business. Now can I have my DOG back?"

from santabanta.com

Funny Status Updates for Facebook

• Seven years ago today I swallowed bubblegum ... I'll keep you all posted.
• Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that's not it. Keep thinking! We'll figure this out.
• Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.
• A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
• I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
• That moment when you have so many things to do...So you decide to take a nap instead
• Stop screaming, lady. All I said was 'this is how pornos start'. It's just elevator talk.
• Alcohol increases the Send Button size by 89%.
• Oh look, it's raining outside. I think I'll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don't have a window of their own.

Chinese Jews

Smith and Jones were sitting in a Chinese restaurant.

"Smith," asked Jones, "are there any Jews in China?"

"I don't know," Smith replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"

When the waiter came by, Jones asked him, "Are there any Chinese Jews?"

Waiter: "No Chinese Jews, Sir."

"Are you really sure?" Jones asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews."

The waiter replied exasperated, "We have Orange Jews, Prune Jews, Tomato Jews and Grape Jews, but we have no Chinese Jews."
From santabanta.com

Experience Counts

A man went into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed to three identical birds lined up on the perch.

''How much is the one on the left?'' asked the customer.

''Five hundred dollars,'' said the shop owner.

''Why is it so expensive?''

''Because it knows how to do legal research.''

''What about the one in the middle? How much is that?''

''One thousand dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to write a brief that will win any case.''

''And how much is the third parrot?''

''Five thousands dollars.''

''What can it do that is so special?''

''To be honest, I've never seen him do a damn thing, but the other two call him Senior Partner.''

From Santabanta.com

Good Morning

krodhaadbhavati sammohah sammohaatsmritivibhramah |
smritibhramshaadbuddhinaasho buddhinaashaatpranashyati ||

From anger comes delusion; from delusion, confused memory; from confused memory the ruin of reason; from ruin of reason, man finally perishes.